The cooking workshop was well worth the 70 EUR per person. I was very happy to hear that it would take place even though there were only 5 people instead of the required minimum of 8. The other three were reenactors in costume, which made us feel like muggles because we were dressed in normal clothes. I did bring my apron though, and it came in very handy.

We started with tea/coffee in the medieval tavern and a tasty piece of date pie. Then we had a short but very educational tour through the prehistoric part of the museum. After that we started the workshop itself by making fire with a firesteel and flint. Although I did get sparks, I did not succeed in catching them on the tinder. Alas. But others did, so in short time we had three fires going. One for tea, one for pancakes and one in the oven for bread.

We made pancakes and herbal tea for lunch, picking the herbs ourselves on the museum grounds. We heated the oven for bread and kneaded the dough. We found more herbs for the fish (delivered to us, not self caught) and enough greens for salad, soup and a grain dish.

Matthijs and I gutted and cleaned the fish (yucky work, but educational). We also tended the fires, kneaded loam to pack the fish with, cut the gathered plants and cracked nuts for the salad. During all the work we traded stories and experiences and had a leisurely time in the sun. Our instructor had participated in a two month prehistoric living experiment so she was a great source of information.

At the end of the day we were all satisfyingly full, fed some fish scraps to the museum stray cats (scrawny little things) and did the dishes. At 20:00 we started on our way back home. A day well spent.

Sunday we broke our fast with some of the bread we had made on Saturday, put green goo in my hair and then locked ourselves up in the hobby room. I worked a bit more on the animal hood that I'm making; all parts are finished now, I only have to sew up some gaps (decorative stitching) and attach two pieces to the main piece (how cryptic). Then I started on one shoe. Always try one first! The stitches are very tidy and overall it looks good, but it is very uncomfortable to wear.... mainly because of the very rigid seam that pokes into my foot. I'll take it apart and try a different kind of seam, while also fixing the fit of the heel. Matthijs will help me with that. I'm getting a bit unmotivated.

After the shoe disappointment I started on my rabbit arm warmers. Matthijs was so nice as to give me one of his rabbits, his are larger than mine and one of my skins did not fit around my arm. I put pins in them for the shape but now I have to sew it all together by hand. They will be nice and warm with the soft fur on the inside.

I helped Matthijs with his sheepskin vest on which he had been laboring (and sighing) all day. Together we turned three weird shaped sheep skins into a reasonably shaped vest. We used pins (destroyed about 15 in the process), clothes pins, paperclips, numbing fingers and finally basting thread to get it to stay into shape so Matthijs can sew everything together (by hand). My hands are completely bruised now from all the hand sewing and pin poking.

The Sunday was thus a bit less satisfying than the Saturday, but we made pancakes for dinner, watched some tv and had a relaxed evening.

This evening we're planning on finishing our supply tent (ha! I found a nice term for it). We 'only' need to attach the so called mud slap, do the closures on both doors and saw the poles (Action broomsticks) to length and varnish them. It is already looking good and it can be put up with much better tension than the original.

I also started on the nasty mock up coat. One end of the collar resulted in a very ugly fold, which I took care of. Now we're (yes, Matthijs is helping me) working on the damned sleeves. This pattern has been designed by a moron, or else someone who thinks that lifting your arms while wearing a coat is not for ladies. It's going to be a hell of a job to cut them off in a way that won't look funny and I can only hope that I have enough scraps of fabric left to make the sleeves the right size again. After that there's only the deepening of the pockets to be done. These pockets can't even hold my wallet completely!

I think I may have found my shoe pattern at last. I have already made a mock up in paper, thin fabric and very thick mattress-covering (with foam in between the fabric, resulting in some kind of super warm slipper). The good thing about this pattern is that you can sew it while the leather lies flat. There's no need to pucker up the leather, which would be nearly impossible with the thickness I'll be using. It can also be adjusted quite easily if, during the testing, it turns out that the shoe is too big. (and of course I'll cut on the safe side)
Now to find the guts to actually start with the leather...

I bought me some nice high dance sneakers last Saturday. For 70 EUR those are the most expensive shoes I've bought in quite some years now, but I think they're totally worth it. Yes, I'm a cheap shoe buyer normally. Tomorrow they'll be put to the test.

Yesterday I had my first semi-advanced belly dance lesson. It was nice. This group is already working on a dance, instead of just practicing techniques. They had already been working on that dance for 2 or 3 weeks, so I had to work really hard to keep up. Still, my muscle memory is quite good so after a few repetitions I think I'll be fine.

Now, back to work. This Saturday we're going to do some cooking and on Sunday I hope to work a bit more on my Taboe costume.

It has been decided. I'm continuing belly dancing on Tuesday and taking freestyle jazz lessons on Thursday. Alas, we were not motivated enough to cycle 30 minutes to the Twentehallen for 1,5 hour of ji do kwan and then cycle 30 minutes back again. And I really wanted to dance, but 4 evenings sport in a week is too much. So, I have 2 sports again but Matthijs still has none....

Our combined birthday was fun. There was exactly 1 larper present (thanks for coming Jojo!) and lots of ex-Musili. Nine people in total, spread over the day. The first one arriving at about 14:45 and the last two at 21:30. We received lots of booze (one of them is purple!), money, a wire rack for cooling pie, earrings and a small fantasy cookbook.

My mood has improved so I'm not down anymore. However, the problems are still there. The feeling I don't have real friends, that I have no goal in this life/world (I can't answer the question "in an ideal world I would...") and the unhappiness with my job are still there. There's no satisfaction in making projects almost nobody uses, and then hearing that the interface you made is apparently 'the problem'... yeah, right. Where are the user-tests to prove it? As long as I don't really think about all of it I'm happy enough... still, this has to change some time. Finding out what I actually want from life would be a huge help.

We had a bit of an upside down moment last Sunday. My mom and her partner have had some financial set backs. Actually they have had all kinds of set backs the past year and now through a fault of the energy company they had to skip a nice weekend away to pay the bills. It's not overly dramatic; they won't go hungry or something or get put out of their house, but I thought they really deserved and could use the weekend away. So I gave them a large sum of money to have a nice weekend with.

Normally its the children asking their parents for money and support. This time it was the other way around. Although they never asked for it! It was completely my initiative. I love my mother very much and hope that one day I'll be as strong as she is, this gift felt as a good way to show my love. They just really deserve it.

Upcoming plans (unordered):

• Making the tent fabric food/wood tent before the upcoming Moots
• Finally find out how to work with my serger and start some new sewing projects
• Choose one or two patterns and make my own prehistoric-ish leather shoes
• I'd like to start card making and drawing/painting again
• Finishing my Taboe costume
• Buy dance sneakers
• Turning the f*cked up winter coat mock up into a summer coat to replace the one that is coming apart and to just get this project over with
• Finish the 1000 pieces puzzle and hang it in our living room

How to get out of an emotional low? Have some Rescue Remedy, play Plants against Zombies, have a short evening with mead and chocolate, go to bed early (21:30), dance it all out (next day after a chagrined day at work).

I feel much better now. Which does not mean that all my troubles and insecurities are gone, but they are in the background again for a while.

Yes, I know I might have hurt people by accussing them of not caring for me, while they might feel like they do care. It's just how I feel at the moment. Those accussations are part of my vindictiveness, sorry.

If I had a Facebook/Livejournal profile, would I have more friends? Would more people visit for our birthday? (only 6 out of 36 invitees have said they'll come... and 4 maybe-s) Would I not feel 'left out' so often? Would putting effort in something like Facebook, give other people the feeling that I put more effort in our friendship and would it mean that I'd be more accepted/loved/appreciated as a friend? Would I then be counted and treated as a friend?

My sincere thanks to the ex-Musili that will come from Eindhoven, Deventer and elsewhere to attend our birthday party. Thanks also to anybody that actually let us know if they will or will not come. Even though there are a lot of 'no's (and I had to ask twice..), an answer is better than no answer. To the rest: sorry that I'm not worthy of thy consideration.

Matthijs says I should not care so much about who does or does not come this Saturday. That I should not 'read' anything in the absence of replies to the invitation. However, I'm a controlfreak and an insecure girl that needs reassurance every once in a while. This is one of those onces.

I can't relate to or connect with others. I'm too stubborn to 'go with the flow' when it comes to social networking sites. I am quite vindictive and judgemental. I know my flaws. However, even when I try people slide off of me. There is never a real connection. Did I just not meet the right persons yet, or am I just one of those people that will die alone and have no one attend her funeral?

I live in my own little world. And it's not okay, but I know me here.

End of self-pity post.

Was a plot heavy event for the Ern and Leviathan in general. The issue with the chained people (chained by Wülthgar, our bad ass ancestor) is getting out of hand. Wulthgar managed to create three more debts. An undead baby with a gaping hole in the back of her head was sent to Pit Mot as a fulfillment of his wish for daughters. Ewww! Wülthgar is building cities on our home world U'tahar and creating ever more undead and raping and experimenting on women.

We went on a quest to try to make Wülthgar mortal again and Enid ended up with a part of the possible solution. (Can't spoil more here) Almost got lost on the Crossroads, she'll never ever venture there again if she can help it.

Our summoning ritual was the bomb! In short: people got swimming lessons, dived into the sea where they caught seahorses as mounts, then proceeded on into the deep where they had to fight an angler fish to retrieve a large seashell that contained a pearl: our elemental princess. It looked wonderful. We did it at night when it was dark and we had blue light on everything from the pentagon pillars. We blew bubbles and held up sheer curtains that represented the waterline. The angler fish was a pimped igloo tent and Miranda (our princess) actually lay in the seashell (children's sand box) until she was freed. (Unfortunately at the moment of freeing a huge mist cloud from the smoke machine obscured everything....) We had stick seahorses too. We got a 9 for the performance and lots of compliments.

OC we had a fairly relaxed event. We were on the site at 12:00 on Friday and installed ourselves without haste. We did the grocery shopping after Cora and Rene had unloaded their stuff at the camp around 16:30. The whole weekend long we were able to help out people that needed can openers, an extra plate/bowl, rope, pliers, toilet paper and other stuff. We're well supplied.

Möttul (Matthijs) kept the campfire going and did lots of cooking, handing out tea, cookies, eggs and bacon, dinner and pancakes to passers by. He made everybody feel welcome and a few people thanked us for our hospitality and the great campsite and homely feeling we provided. Yay! And a great campsite it was.

Unfortunately we had to break up on Monday in pooring rain. The whole weekend had been fairly dry with some rain in the evening/night but on Monday we had a good deal of water coming down. So everything was quite wet when we had to pack up. Still my mood was on the bright side and the packing went in an orderly fashion. No real stress there. A one hour drive later had us back home around 20:00.

At this moment we still have to repack the sahara tent, which is finally dry. Some chests need to be repacked and stored in the shed and then we'll have to vacuum clean the whole house again because we have half a forest lying on the floor. All larp related laundry and the dishes have been done already. Yesterday I also cleaned the fridge and the microwave so apart from vacuum cleaning and doing the toilet and bathroom I'm ready to celebrate my birthday this Saturday.

Things learned at the Summoning:

• These things are not water proof: cookie jar and all the other glass pots
• The biggest crate is a good table when you put it upside down
• A central place to put the tea mugs on is a good thing
• Water in the bucket for quickly rinsing the mugs cuts down on the dishes
• The last minute made tarp (patchwork of all left over pieces of tent fabric) worked very well
• The opened up side of the wood storing tent was an improvement. We can now store the food baskets and cooking stuff in there as well
• Nobody eats bread for breakfast so we should definitely buy less of it

Things planned for next time:

• Making an IC cookbook. (The prints with recipes got really wet and are OC) However, neither Mottul or Enid can read so there will be lots of pictures.
• We need to make a new tent for the wood and foodstuffs, made out of actual tent fabric instead of a curtain. (Fabric is already ordered). Even impregnated curtain is not waterproof. (duh)
• I really need to put soles into my boots for extra comfort. Impregnating them would be wise too. Or I could use some actual quality boots.
• The sheath on my knife is useless. I need a new sheath that will allow me to wear the knife on my belt without loosing it.

Wednesday on the way home from an EE meeting I had a stroke of bad luck. In the train I took of my coat and vest. I just pulled my arms from the vest and let it lie behind me in the chair. Just before we arrived at the station of Deventer we switched places; from a two-seat to a four-seat. In that move I forgot my vest.

When we wanted to depart the train in Hengelo I noticed that my vest was not lying near me so I went back to our former seats (in the same compartment!) and found it gone. Just gone. Not under the couch, not in the luggage space, gone. I asked the conductor if someone had given him a colorful vest supposedly 'found' but alas. I also filled in the web form of the NS but I have not much hope that it will come back to me. I think it was stolen.... I'm very angry and a bit sad about it. It was a Christmas gift from my mother and just a cool vest. People should keep their sticky fingers away from my stuff!

Still, for every piece of bad luck there should be some good luck apparently. Yesterday I received my second deer skin (ordered on Marktplaats a week ago) and found out it was not a deer but a reindeer. Meaning that the skin is almost twice as big as the deer skin I already had. And I only paid 40 EUR for it! It's loosing some hairs, as most reindeer skins do because the hairs are hollow and break easily, but it is very soft and warm. It will make a wonderful poncho.

My Taboe costume is getting there. The 'leggings' are finished, the belt for the loincloth is finished (still working on the loincloth itself), the bandeau is done, the dress only needs some decorations. What is left: loincloth, shoes (I'm not 100% happy with the first try), poncho, possibly a raincoat from reeds, belt for over the dress, bedding and some way to carry all stuff. Oh, and an animal mask.

On the 25th of September Matthijs and I will attend a historical cooking workshop and in November we will learn how to tan hides. We wanted to follow a smithing workshop but it is given in the same weekend that we celebrate our birthdays, so alas.

On the how-to-get-rid-of-the-blubber-front it is going well. I mean, finding sports. The belly dance teacher told me that I may train with the advanced class. Unfortunately it is on Tuesday, the same night as rehearsals (but we'll make it work). Freestyle jazz and streetdance were much fun. Today we will take a try out lesson of ji do kwan. And then I'll have to decide which sport(s) to continue.... Choices, choices.