Not sure what it is, but I've been quite moody lately. This time it can't be the weather because that's been sunny enough. I think it's the mess in my head. Even since before Matthijs graduated I've wanted to move from Enschede to somewhere near Utrecht or Amersfoort into a nice real house (no apartment) with a garden and a shed. I have decorated and redecorated almost a hundred houses in my head since then and I just really want to get to it!

However there's lots of issues to wade through first. Matthijs needs to get a job so that we can get a decent mortgage, which brings all kinds of questions (where, what, how, when etc.). Then there's the whole finding-a-nice-place-in-a-nice-neighborhood thing for which we've made two tours yet: one through part of Utrecht and one long one through a large part of Amersfoort. (Amersfoort wins). There's all kinds of financial blah to make sure off that I just can't wrap my brain around. It feels like we're getting nowhere.

I've tried to apiece myself by crafting and sewing and though it satisfies while I'm at it, it doesn't work for long. I'm snappy to everything and most of all Matthijs, who doesn't deserve it most of the time.

I really want to start a 'new life' somewhere else with new sports, hobbies etc. I'm avoiding getting involved in longer term projects here in Enschede because "I'll move soon". Taekwondo isn't satisfying anymore, but I keep doing it because my body needs some kind of exercise, bellydance is ok but Theaterobers is too unprofessional and more and more people are dropping out leaving not much for the final 'show'. I'm not even sure if I should remind my parents of that final show....

And then what... I don't expect I'll hang out more with people from (around) Utrecht when I finally live closer. I mean, I've got friends here in Enschede too but that doesn't mean that I visit them on a regular basis. It's not really in my nature. (wasn't in my nature at grade school either)

The non-LARPing is bugging me too. I like to sew costumes, but if there's nowhere I can or will wear them, what's the point? Still, I can't say that I'm attracted to any LARP setting at the moment. Perhaps I'll take a look at living history when we've moved. Or do some volunteers work with animals, if that's available.

Bluh. Just bluh!