Yes, I know I might have hurt people by accussing them of not caring for me, while they might feel like they do care. It's just how I feel at the moment. Those accussations are part of my vindictiveness, sorry.

If I had a Facebook/Livejournal profile, would I have more friends? Would more people visit for our birthday? (only 6 out of 36 invitees have said they'll come... and 4 maybe-s) Would I not feel 'left out' so often? Would putting effort in something like Facebook, give other people the feeling that I put more effort in our friendship and would it mean that I'd be more accepted/loved/appreciated as a friend? Would I then be counted and treated as a friend?

My sincere thanks to the ex-Musili that will come from Eindhoven, Deventer and elsewhere to attend our birthday party. Thanks also to anybody that actually let us know if they will or will not come. Even though there are a lot of 'no's (and I had to ask twice..), an answer is better than no answer. To the rest: sorry that I'm not worthy of thy consideration.

Matthijs says I should not care so much about who does or does not come this Saturday. That I should not 'read' anything in the absence of replies to the invitation. However, I'm a controlfreak and an insecure girl that needs reassurance every once in a while. This is one of those onces.

I can't relate to or connect with others. I'm too stubborn to 'go with the flow' when it comes to social networking sites. I am quite vindictive and judgemental. I know my flaws. However, even when I try people slide off of me. There is never a real connection. Did I just not meet the right persons yet, or am I just one of those people that will die alone and have no one attend her funeral?

I live in my own little world. And it's not okay, but I know me here.

End of self-pity post.