The first assignments for my job counseling sessions are done. Mostly 'getting to know yourself' stuff and so far not a lot of surprises for me. I've actually done some tests on the internet every once in a while in my own search for 'what to look for' and most of the things I value were already known to me. Now let's hope that these will lead me to work that makes me happy.

Today I got a call from Sandd that they have a neighbourhood near me available. At first I turned it down: it means working on Friday while I have a few of my Fridays planned full already and it is only for a few hours a week and well... I'm looking for my dream-job and blah. But after I hung up I realised that I'm being a bit of a spoiled brat if I do not want to work on Fridays either (weekends are definitely off-limits, but Fridays?) and looking at my schedule I noticed that if I would just start as early as allowed in the day (08:00) I could still manage with the stuff I have now planned (mainly larps). Also, this would mean more of a rhythm in my weeks and a little bit of secured income. Aside from that working outside (yes, even with shitty weather) appeals to me and it is a job that you're doing on your own, in your own time with only you being responsible. It would only be for a few hours a week so it wouldn't pay enough for mortgage, but it keeps my options open for other work interviews or even my own business. It is also a new experience even if it doesn't work out. So, after consulting my job-coach and Matthijs I called them back and told them I changed my mind. I am now invited to a real interview next Tuesday (3rd of February). Fingers crossed!

Another new thing in my life and my daily rhythm is the '30 days shred'. Some workout program (a hype I missed?) that I stumbled upon via a blog post of my belly dance teacher. The idea is that for 10 days you do level 1 exercises for 30 minutes a day, then 10 days of level 2 and after another 10 days at level 3 you should've lost quite some weight (if available) and some inches and gained more muscle definition. Since my usual morning workout seems to have lost it's effect (no muscle ache at all.. meh) I thought I'd try this one. The idea is that by switching exercises after 10 days your body can not 'get used' to it and develop an efficient way to handle it. So the workout keeps its effect. I've seen some really impressive before/after images on the internet. My goal is to loose some 2-4 kilograms again, that I've gained by getting back to way too much spreads on my bread and candy in the evenings, and to get some more muscle definition in my abs. A subtle six-pack (keyword subtle!) would be nice. These exercises not only work on strength but also on endurance/fitness (translation for 'conditie'?) and that part of the workout really got me sweating the first time this morning. Didn't feel much effect on the abs yet, but the arms were burning at some point. Next to this new workout I also started watching my bread spreads again and I now start the day with a bowl of oats. I can do this!

Well, I've been working on this computer long enough for today. Time to do some crafting. Last night in bed I had the idea of felting a small dragon to sit on a glass jar... let's see if I can get that to work.

Realizing that I wasn't going to find out a path for the rest of my life on my own, I've looked for and found some help. After a pleasant intake interview I decided to 'go for it' and scheduled my first real appointment (with homework) on the 27th of this month. We are going to find out what my strengths and weaknesses are and what would make me happy in a job. Of what I am looking for in a job. And then we're going to narrow down to fields of work that would suit me. We'll be at it for over a month and it will cost me up to near 1000 euros but I rather put that money into something useful (I'll have to work for nearly 40 years of my life yet, it better be something I like) than keep in on my bank account for the Belastingdienst (taxes) to eventually find...

Having taken this step gives me so much peace of mind. I no longer hear the nagging at the back of my head; "why aren't you working, you're not making money, make yourself useful!" I'm going to get somewhere and I am not in a hurry. So there's time for what I would like to do (crocheting stuff, at the moment) and what needs to be done (costumes for Xenophobia, a website for a new larp that's coming up) without me worrying that I am not going through pages and pages of job openings. There's not much use in applying for a job now while I'm trying to find out what I should be looking for. My savings will get me through this period of unemployment easily. Let's enjoy it then!

Lots of nice stuff to look forward to; balfolk stage, concert of Marike Jager, another Sibbe Sunday (hopefully without rain), mission-weekend with EE, rehearsal weekend with Amersical. My weekends are filled up until 7/8th of March. But now, I'm off for dinner and then belly dancing in Utrecht.

So, for the 20th year of existence for Parnassos I participated in a belly dance performance. Performing 5 times in one week (10-13 December); it was great! We had a varying amount of audience (from 0 to up to 50 people I think) but a lot of fun.

On the left the end pose of my solo. On the right our group (minus one, she fell sick on the last day) in our blue-and-gold costumes.

And I find myself unemployed, since I quit my job. It feels really weird, since I haven't found anything new yet and am just 'sitting at home'. I applied to 3 jobs so far: mail delivery person for Sandd (no neighbourhoods near me), something temporary in administration via Adecco (the company tells us there is no longer a job vacancy) and at the 'chocolaterie' at V&D (no reply yet).

Aside from a parttime job I still (procastination, anyone) need to figure out what I want for my own business. Do I want to sell clothing (think I at least need to learn how to draw a pattern to measurements of other people than myself), sell other arty/crafted stuff (mini tophats, greeting cards, stuffed animals, drawings/paintings, jewelry, etc.), start a dog-walking or cat-sitting business, something else entirely?

People keep telling me that my coats are very pretty. (Oh, didn't blog about that: I made a new summer coat and a new winter coat last year). People also tell me that I dress nice (when I dress for an occasion) and that I am "so creative!", but will that buy me my daily bread? I'm full of self-doubt. Do I even want to get into setting up my own business (omg... taxes, insurances, GEDOE) or should I just be a boring 'good girl' and apply for a fulltime job in IT again because at least that pays the bills and takes care of boring stuff like said taxes and so on?

Matthijs tells me to just 'start doing things', but how do I figure out WHAT it is that I should be doing? Argh! It doesn't help that I am at a -100 on the scale of 1-10 for being ambituous or commercially inclined....

I think I'll start by sorting all my fabrics on color (so I can find stuff again) and see what I have that can be made into something worth selling. I should set up a portfolio too, with at least pictures of clothes I made for myself to show off my creativity. I've also sent mail again to Evagodiva to remind them that I would still like to work in their atelier (felt!!).

Do you think that it would work for a 30+ woman to apply for an internship at some costuming workshop? Would I want to work there (parttime)? Choices and questions...